I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
