Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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