Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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