I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
