I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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