dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
