she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's never too late to be topless.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
