I feel great
I just peed on a car
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
