Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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