Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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