I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
