part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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