none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
