and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
