I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
