Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
