real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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