I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
