My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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