that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
