I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
