dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
