Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
pray to the hookup gods
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
