My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
