I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
