I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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