I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
