the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
wow bdsm is so cute
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
