i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
