you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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