You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
