I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
