State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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