i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I believe in your delicious
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
