Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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