Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
