i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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