They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
