Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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