Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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