I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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