I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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