And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
