you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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