You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
