I love black thongs
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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