My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
