By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
