which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
