elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
