Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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