You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
