No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
