I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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