i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
