so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
