She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
