I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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